Thursday, June 25, 2009

Deceit

In my post about our trip this past weekend I said that there were some other things that happened during our trip that I wanted to write about also. Well here it goes...

Madison's father and his family live in Ft. Lauderdale. (I lived there with my dad for almost a year. When I got pregnant I made the decision to move back in with my mom in Tampa.) I was there from Friday to Tuesday and on Monday I made the decision to text message his sister telling her that me and Maddie were in town if she wanted to come by and see her. (Keep in mind I haven't spoken to any of them since November.) I got a text back within a minute that I had the wrong number. So I text back saying this isn't Eddie's sister? The person took a little longer to respond this time but said no, I don't know a Eddie or Maddie. I thought this was kind of weird. So me, being the person that I am, called the number and blocked my number to see if it was true that her number changed. Nope!! Not true! She answered!! I had the phone on mute and I let her say hello twice and then hung up the phone. I looked at my dad who was in the car with me and said that was her. I have been around her enough and talked to her on the phone enough to know her distinct voice. I don't understand why she would do that. She has always been the one that seemed to show the most interest in Madison. She has seen her more than Eddie or his mother has. And she has called me more than her mother has also. I haven't done anything either. I have never acted like a crazy bitch of an ex girlfriend and baby mama. It's not like I call their house or cell phones all the time demanding money and things. I've never asked them for anything other than to come see my daughter. I have contacted them every single time I have been down there except for once. That was when I had Maddie's first birthday party for my family to celebrate down there in January. I sent them an invitation but they never said anything to me so I didn't bother saying anything when I was down there. I just don't get it. It's like they don't think of my daughter as being a person. Yes, she is just a baby now and she doesn't understand but she is going to grow up. What am I supposed to tell her? Your father, aunt, and grandmother don't love you or care about you. I mean how could she deny my little girl like that? I don't understand people. They say they will be there for you until things get hard or selfishness comes into play. I have seen that soo much in my own family since my daughter was born. Not to down play the much support I have but it's hard when I have negativity coming from quite a few of my family members also. Anyways, back to what I was saying before. The last time I had spoken to Eddie's sister and mother was in November. His mom mentioned Eddie and how he was ashamed because he hasn't been able to send me money or whatever. And I told them I hadn't heard from him since July and I didn't appreciate how he still talked to me like we were friends because we weren't friends (I'm sensing a trend here). That's the only thing I can think of that would upset anyone. That and I didn't let Eddie come see Madison since last April. But his sister still saw her after that. I should probably stop trying to stop analyze it all and just except it. I need to accept the person that is my daughter's father and I need to accept that neither him or anyone in his family is going to accept my little girl. I told my dad when I was down there that I feel like Madison is half adopted because I know nothing about her father's family. Regardless, I need to make sure she feels all the love in the world by the ones that TRULY care for her and will always be there for her. I know from many, many of my own experiences that deciphering what person in your life you can truly trust will always be there for you unconditionally is hard. I want to make it my mission in life to never turn my back or give up on my daughter in any way. No matter how hard things get. Even if I am at the end of my rope and feel like there is no hope. I will never deny or deceive her.

1 comment:

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

My sister and I never met our father. I have never felt any less loved by it because of how much love and support my mother, grandparents, aunts, and uncles have showed us our whole lives. my friends ask me if I miss not having a father...I tell them "you can't miss what you never knew". We never questioned why he didn't want anything to do w/ us because we had so much love from everyone else.