Friday, June 5, 2009

Venting

It's Friday night, I just got off work and I have no plans but a lot on my mind. So what else to do but blog huh? A lot has happened this week but I'm not going to blog about all of it. And what I am going to blog about I'm not going to bore you with details either, plus that would take to long. So I am going to try to be vague and hope that it makes sense at the same time. But FIRST a picture of my little girl with the crazy hair...


This picture cracks me up because it was sent to my phone by my friend Tuesday morning when she babysat for me while I went to class. My friend had to come over early so she laid in my bed and went back to sleep. And she woke up to this face smiling at her. Maddie is so funny! I guess she thought it was funny that someone else was sleeping in my bed when she woke up.

Okay. Wednesday night I was out with my best friend Stephanie. She was in the middle of breaking up with her boyfriend (she got back together with him-which is a whole nother "venting" post that I probably won't ever write because I feel kind of weird putting this story out there so I'm not going to put someone elses story out there). A little bit of background: My ex-boyfriend (who I mention briefly here) and I were friends for almost 3 years before we got together. After we started dating his best friend and my best friend Stephanie started dating. The 4 of us did a lot together but we also had a lot of immature drama going on between us too. Needless to say our "friend circle" broke after me and my ex broke it off. Or so I thought. Here enters the venting part. Back to Wednesday night. Not even 5 minutes after Stephanie and I went to pick up her stuff from her boyfriends house she gets a call from my ex trying to be all nosy. So I got angry and started yelling in the background for him to mind his own damn business. And then he asked what my problem was and I yelled back I don't know maybe its because I no personality (which is what he apparently said about me after we broke up-that and the only good thing about me was my smile and big boobs). Anyways me yelling at him through the phone apparently "really upset him" and caused him to text me and call me the next day. My ex has a complex with needing everyone to like him and he can't handle it when someone doesn't. And I pointed this out to him and of course he denied (even though he admitted it to me when we were together). So against my better judgement I spoke to him Thursday night because he was obviously not leaving me alone and I had a few things I needed to get off my chest anyways. To shorten up our 45 minute conversation he was telling me how he still considered me a really close friend and doesn't understand why I was going off at him because he never did anything to me. I responded with the question of what was his definition of a really close friend because we hadn't spoken in months and usually friends talk to each other. And I also reminded him of the lies that I caught him in and the many levels of rejection that he gave me when we were together. And I was very blunt about how we were NOT friends and I really didn't want anything to do with him and if I knew he was going to react like this I wouldn't have said what I said the night before. Because I am going to be honest after we broke up I took it kind of hard, mainly because I dwell on things, and I am happy with not having to think of our relationship everyday anymore. Obviously talking to him makes me think of it all the time again and that isn't something I want to do. So he proceeded to call me cold-hearted and I cold-heartedly said oh well. He also brought up something that he just found out that I did after we broke up. And I told him that I really don't feel bad for what I did and he shouldn't be mad at me becuase it was after we broke up and I had nothing to do with him anymore. And again he said I was being cold-hearted and again I said oh well I'm okay with that. He said it was a defense mechanism for me and I shouldn't be like that. And maybe he's right but right now it's working out for me. Now don't get me wrong!!! I'm not a cold-hearted bitch with everyone! Just when I want and have to be. He kind of threw me off guard with the I consider you a close friend thing and I guess I threw up my defense mechanism because I didn't want to get my feelings hurt again. I told him this is the first time in my life where I can just break up with someone and not have to look back. I don't have anything tying me to him. So why go backwards? Why be friends with someone that I think about and more negative feelings come to mind than positive ones and I can't seem to look past that? But was I wrong to be so "cold-hearted"? I mean he admitted he should of done a lot of things differently. Of course I can't go back to him and say I want to be friends now, it's a little late for that. But I don't know was I in the wrong for acting the way I did?


2 comments:

Cristin said...

Thank you so much for your comment! Your daughter is so precious!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

I don't think you are cold hearted at all. you were just being up front and honest about how you feel about the situation and if he can't handle it than that's his problem