Saturday, August 29, 2009

Caress Me

Ever since Maddie was a tiny little baby she loved to be "caressed". When my mom was giving her a bottle she would tickle her fingers and her face. She would fall asleep just by tickling her face. Her whole body just relaxes. Now that she is older she still loves for you to caress her. She will literally take your hand and put it on her arm so you will tickle her. Sometimes she rubs her face in your hands because she wants her face to be tickled. A few times I have been woken up in the morning by her squealing. When I open my eyes I see her arms with her palms up sticking out of the bars of her crib because she wants me to tickle her! And if she is sitting in your lap and you are tickling her arm she'll let you know that she has had enough on her arm by sticking her leg in your face because she wants to be tickled on her leg now. This little girl is something else! The other day I was at lunch with my friend and Madison was sleepy and a little cranky....

...she was in heaven when we both started tickling her.
...notice the look she gets on her face
...wanting more!
It's so funny how much she loves to be tickled. I wonder if she'll always be like that or if she'll grow out of it.

Monday, August 24, 2009


So, I've done a really bad job on blogging and reading the blogs that I follow lately. I thought I would write a quick little post tonight. I took Maddie to the doctors last Tuesday and she ended up not having an ear infection or anything. I guess what ever sickness she had was just a quick little cold. I also asked the doctor to do draw blood for an allergy test because her excema is so bad. I thought that maybe she has an allergic reaction to something. They called this morning and the test came out negative. Apparently she just has really awful dry skin on her legs. Hopefully she'll grow out of it. We had that appointment early in the morning so after it was over we went to Panera for breakfast and then went to her play group. Like I've mentioned before the play group is every Tuesday for an hour. Last Tuesday she seemed to remember what goes on since the teacher is very repetitive every week. But, Madison seems to have a meltdown in the last 10 minutes or so of the class. I'm sure she'll adapt though and the hour won't seem so long to her. We'll see how she does tomorrow. After her play group my work was having their annual picnic at a local park so I thought I would stop by with Madison. We get there and I walk up to the pavillion and all attention is on Madison and everybody says hi. What does my daughter do? She squeals her high pitched this-isn't-what-I-want-to-do squeal! Everybody was like what was that?! So I turned around and then turned back around towards them and then she squealed again. So I was like okay I guess we should go play on the playground first. Needless to say she was a little on the anti-social side. It's a hit or miss with that kid I tell ya!! She was tired though because we woke up early and I had her running around all morning. But my co-workers and managers were joking around with me all week about her! Even people that weren't there!!
I've been pretty busy. School, work, stuff at the house, Madison, life. I have another pretty big project that is due on Monday. My school is openeing up their Bachelor's Program in Early Childhood Education. I was going to take the entry test for it but I think I am leaning towards just finishing my Associate's and getting my Bachelor's at a University. Two main reasons are because my teacher, who is the director of my program, couldn't give me a definate yes or no to whether or not the school would have an Elementary Education Bachelor's Program and I would really like to keep that option open for me. And two, I don't think I could be at that school for three more years with the kind of class scheduling that they have. It's not flexible scheduling. The classes are either 8:30-12:20 or 6:00-9:50 and they don't always have the classes available that you need that semester. In two or three years I might be in a point in my life that I might be living on my own with a different job and I'll need more flexibility. So, I'm going to hang tight and finish my Associate's in Early Childhood Education and go from there.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Some Randomness

Maddie doesn't feel very good. She has a very runny nose. She is cranky and I can tell she doesn't feel 100%. There might be a doctor's visit in the near future.

I took this picture with my cell phone just now. She was sitting on the couch watching TV.

Madison had speech therapy this morning. Her therapist is out of town this week so a different therapist came Tuesday afternoon and this morning. I kind of like her better than her permanent therapist. She has better toys and she seemed to keep Maddie engaged a lot better. She seems more organized also.

I don't know if I have mentioned this but Maddie knows all the parts of her face. She seems to be repeating what we say a little more I know she understands just about everything that we say. She still doesn't name objects like ball or baby. She doesn't put two words together yet either. She still squeals when she is hungry or thirsty instead of using her words.

As for me... I'm still keeping my self busy. I've picked my classes for this next semester in school I just have to get my financial aid straightened out. I really hope I don't end up having to pay anything out of pocket. I got a second tattoo on Monday. It's on my back towards my shoulder blade. It's the Chinese symbol for Grace since that is Maddie's middle name. In September we are taking another trip to Disney World with me dad and stepmom. That's about it for right now. Maddie is sleeping and I have to work on some schoolwork.

Thursday, August 13, 2009


Now who could not love this right here. Look at that goofy (but beautiful) little face and those (now long) curls. Things didn't happen the way I wanted them to, the way they were supposed to. I took advantage of the freedom that I had when I was 18. I made some mistakes. I hung around the wrong person. I suffered the consequences. I'm still suffering consequences. I love my daughter. I love my daughter more than anything in the world. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love her. And I hate that she has the suffer consequences from MY actions. This is something I struggle with basically everyday of my life. Somedays more than others. Sure she doesn't know anything about what I am talking about now. She will ask about her dad when she gets older and I'm sure she will have plenty of other questions about our lives also. I blame myself to a certain degree in regards to the fact that she is going to go through life without knowing her biological father. I blame myself completely for the fact that I had her at a point in my life when I had no business having a baby (especially one with the person I had her with). I'm not sure if this is making any sense but here is the real reason why I am writing this post....

I have been wanting write this post for a while but I haven't been motivated to get around to it. It's no secret that I have family issues. I know every family has issues. But I feel like my family has an excessive amount. There are issues on both sides of my family. There are complicated and not so complicated issues. They all seem to affect me and/or Madison directly and indirectly. I have shed wayyyyyy too many tears over these family issues. Madison's first Christmas and birthday wasn't the best experience for me because of some things that were/are going on in my family. But that is a long, complicated story that I won't bore you with. Instead I'll bore you with a different not so long but kind of complicated family issue that I want to get off my chest. A little background: My uncle and his wife have 4 kids and 1 on the way. My uncle's wife has 1 daughter from a previous marriage and the rest are my uncle's kids. Her daughter from the previous marriage is more thought of as his biological daughter than a stepdaughter becuase she has been around him and the rest of our family since she was about 3 and she is 13 now. For the about the past 2 years my uncle's family have been going through issues of their own. His wife has some things against my grandparents. Therefore she hasn't let her kids see them much. Which my grandparents are the farthest you could ever get from being bad people and they love their kids and grandkids more than anything. Her and my grandmother just don't go well together. Granted, there are a lot of other issues that I am not going to write down. A lot of things concerning my uncle's wife that I don't know about. But I have talked to my family members and know a good amount of what has happened. But anyways, I went about 2 years without seeing my cousins. The last time I saw them (other than in June when I was visiting) was on my 19th birthday, which also happened to be the day that I told my uncle that I was pregnant. The first weird thing that I noticed was at my babyshower. My uncle was there for a little bit cooking on the BBQ. He was by himself. Then he left early and his wife came for about 15 minutes. The kids never came over. I visited a few times before Madison turned 1. My uncle came by my dad's apartment for about an hour one of the times I was down there. He never brought the kids or his wife. For Madison's first birthday that I had down in Miami for my family that lived down there I sent them an invitation. My family kept saying I don't know if they are coming they haven't said anything. So I called him and left a message saying I really wanted him to come so I could see him and my cousins. A day before, or the day of the party my uncle called saying that he was coming and bringing the two youger kids to the party. He wouln't be bringing my two older cousins. I already knew the reasom why this was happening. And yeah it brought tears to my eyes. I got a better understanding of it when I was down there this June and my grandmother was talking to me about the situation. She told me that before I got pregnant my uncle and his wife used me as a "good example" for her daughter as a young girl that was from a divorced family. When I got pregnant they didn't know how to explain it and they didn't want their kids to see "just the good side" of having a baby young and out of wedlock. They thought if they brought their kids around me that it would send the wrong message. Hello... This is where you talk to your kids. Sit down and explain to them that I made the wrong decisions and it isn't all flowers and sunshine but that we are family and we love each other and no matter what we are supposed to show support. It's not like they don't they have experience in this considering that she was 7 months pregnant as she was marrying my uncle. And they could have sat down and talked to them about the situation, but I don't know. I would even be more than happy to talk to her about what I did and the decisions I have made and how hard it has been. I'm not stupid. I know why I didn't see my cousins for two years and they didn't see my daughter until she was 1 1/2 and that visit wasn't even very long. Don't get me wrong I KNOW the family issue regarding my uncle and his wife are wayyyyyyyyyy beyond me and what I just wrote down is just a little part that affects me. And I know far from everything that has gone on between them. And I am in no way trying to bash anyone in my family. But it still affects me. And it makes me feel like shit when it affects my daughter.

This isn't the only family issue that has affected Madison. No, she doesn't know any of this yet and I never want her to. My kid is no different than any other kid in my family just because I had her before I got married. I don't want her to suffer from my consequences. Especially when the cause is coming from certain people in her own family. I will do all I can do to make sure she only feels the love and positivity from the people that show her that.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Weekend Update

We've had a busy weekend. On Friday I had all the kids with me. So, I took them to the park like I usually do when I am watching all of them. My friend Christa met up with us...

We were at the park for almost 2 hours. When Maddie started getting tired she started crawling on the floor...

Maddie met another little girl named Madison. My Madison immediately started giving her hiigs and poking her in the face pointing out the little girl's eyes and nose. And then my child got excited and got in the other Madison's face, clenched her fists opened her mouth and shook... Something like the last picture in the post before this one...yes my kid has some odd tendencies. You should have seen the face of the little girl's mother after she did that!! I just laughed and said that she does that sometimes when she gets excited. *Sigh*

First time actually liking the slide...

Maddie and Sarah leaving the park...
Then we took the kids to Dairy Queen. I saw a girl I knew in high school working there. Our boyfriends were friends so we hung out a few times and we all went to prom together. Here are a few pictures from Dairy Queen...(my friend likes taking a lot of pictures)...

And here is Maddie all ready for bed after our day...

Watching iCarly....
And looking very sleepy...
Friday night I went out with my best friend, her boyfriend, his brother who was visiting and another friend of theirs. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing and we were out very, very late. I haven't stayed out all night like that since before I had Madison. Needless to say I was pretty tired Saturday.

Saturday afternoon my best friend Stephanie came over for a little bit. We were in my room talking about the night before and Madison was in there with us. I picked her up on my bed and said who is this? Is that Stephanie? She pointed and said "Dediney" We couldn't believe it! We both made a big deal about it and Maddie got a little embarrassed. Not only is Stephanie the first person she named that lives outside of our house, it's a hard name! Oh, and have I mentioned she says everyones name in the house EXCEPT Mama and Grandma. She says Grandpa, Josh, Jason and Sarah. My mom says its because we are always there for her so she doesn't need to say our names....hmmmm!! Yeah okay.

Today, I went to work and my name wasn't on the floor plan. So my manager told me I could just go home. My mom and the kids went to church and I met them at McDonalds afterwards. Then we went to my cousins house where a friend of our family and her one year old little boy were visiting. I should have brought my camera because they were cute together. Maddie again was trying to poke his face and she was trying to put her arms around him like she wanted to hold him or something. They were interested in each other for about 15 minutes and then they lost interest in each other.

Here are some pictures of Maddie watching the kids play outside today

She has a cute little dress on...

This week should be a little more relaxed than the last few weeks. The house is finally put together after the flood we had in our house and midterms and my huge project are over in school. Tomorrow I am taking Maddie to get her pictures taken at JCPenneys. Tuesday is her playgroup. And I work and have school the rest of the week.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Walking on the Beach

...cautious in the water (ignore my pasty white albino skin please. And yes my daughter is about 3 shades darker than I am).

...soooo pretty
...her second time at the beach and her first time walking in the sand.

...she wasn't too impressed
...hmmm...I wonder...
....yeah it doesn't taste all that great does it Maddie?!
...doing what ever she could to avoid being put on the sand
She actually wore that hat for a whole minute...longer than I thought she would...

...Madison being overly goofy on the way home.