Sunday, June 28, 2009

Honest Scrap

A few days ago I received a blog award from a fellow single mama Erin at Irascible Crayons.

The Honest Scrap award is given by other bloggers who consider a blog’s content or design to be brilliant. The awardee must then post ten honest things about themselves and pass the award on to other bloggers who fit the bill – in other words, whose blog is brilliant.

So here are 10 honest things about meee...

1. I am a mommy to a beautiful, curly head, loving 1 1/2 year old little girl. No, this isn't the way I thought my life was going to be but I made certain decisions and I have found acceptance. Now I have my daughter and I never knew I could love someone so much.

2. I genuinly like school and structured work. Now at least. I didn't get very good grades in high school. Or in the little bit of college I had before I had Madison. But now that I have a specific career goal and determination I enjoy school and schoolwork.

3. .If you look up the definition of clean freak my name and picture will NOT be beside it in the dictionary. I may not be clean and tidy with my room and what not but I am organized. Trust me it makes sense. My clothes may be everywhere and I may need to vaccuum and dust but I have like things together in my drawers. I have a cabinet in the garage where I keep all my past school things from different classes in their own binders neatly organized, etc.

4. I'm a little OCD when it comes to weird things. For instance, I have these pens that I like to write with. I couldn't find them in the stores so I bought different ones and I didn't realize that they were gel not ball point. I don't mind writing with them I just hyperventilated a little bit at the thought of writing with a different type of pen because my notes for the class were already written in the other type of pen. It's the same thing with notebook paper. It has to be the same kind or I'll panic. Strange I know.

5. I have an obsession with always looking at the calendar. Either the one on the wall in our kitchen or the one on my phone. Please don't ask me why.

6. I hold some major grudges. It's something I need to work on.

7. I don't give much thought to how other people view me especially if they don't truly know me. I don't stress if someone thinks someting untrue about me. I know what the truth is so why should I make it my life mission to convince them. I'm not someone that feels the need to please everyone or someone that needs everyone to like me. If you like me thats great if you don't thats perfectly fine also.

8. I am the last person to judge. Because of my attitude of things that I mention in my last point and the fact that I tend to be a shy person at first and when I'm not comfortable around someone people make good and bad judgements about me without knowing who I am. I hate that so I try my very hardest not to judge anyone else.

9. Having a baby has turned me into an emotional wreck. Okay, I was exaggerating. I'm not an emotional wreck but before I had Madison I didn't cry that much. And I made a point to never cry in front of people. But I've gone soft since I've had Maddie and I cry and get emotional easier now (even in public).

10. I tell everyone I'm never getting married. Obviously that statement stems from my own issues and the experiences of the disasterous relationships that I have had. I also used to tell everyone I was never going to have kids and I have one. So, there you go. I guess I could get married...maybe...

Wow, that was easier than I thought.
Here are the blogs that I would like to pass the award down to...

The Two Twins
The Life of A Mother and A Son
Jude: The Diary of a Baby and a Stroke

Thursday, June 25, 2009


In my post about our trip this past weekend I said that there were some other things that happened during our trip that I wanted to write about also. Well here it goes...

Madison's father and his family live in Ft. Lauderdale. (I lived there with my dad for almost a year. When I got pregnant I made the decision to move back in with my mom in Tampa.) I was there from Friday to Tuesday and on Monday I made the decision to text message his sister telling her that me and Maddie were in town if she wanted to come by and see her. (Keep in mind I haven't spoken to any of them since November.) I got a text back within a minute that I had the wrong number. So I text back saying this isn't Eddie's sister? The person took a little longer to respond this time but said no, I don't know a Eddie or Maddie. I thought this was kind of weird. So me, being the person that I am, called the number and blocked my number to see if it was true that her number changed. Nope!! Not true! She answered!! I had the phone on mute and I let her say hello twice and then hung up the phone. I looked at my dad who was in the car with me and said that was her. I have been around her enough and talked to her on the phone enough to know her distinct voice. I don't understand why she would do that. She has always been the one that seemed to show the most interest in Madison. She has seen her more than Eddie or his mother has. And she has called me more than her mother has also. I haven't done anything either. I have never acted like a crazy bitch of an ex girlfriend and baby mama. It's not like I call their house or cell phones all the time demanding money and things. I've never asked them for anything other than to come see my daughter. I have contacted them every single time I have been down there except for once. That was when I had Maddie's first birthday party for my family to celebrate down there in January. I sent them an invitation but they never said anything to me so I didn't bother saying anything when I was down there. I just don't get it. It's like they don't think of my daughter as being a person. Yes, she is just a baby now and she doesn't understand but she is going to grow up. What am I supposed to tell her? Your father, aunt, and grandmother don't love you or care about you. I mean how could she deny my little girl like that? I don't understand people. They say they will be there for you until things get hard or selfishness comes into play. I have seen that soo much in my own family since my daughter was born. Not to down play the much support I have but it's hard when I have negativity coming from quite a few of my family members also. Anyways, back to what I was saying before. The last time I had spoken to Eddie's sister and mother was in November. His mom mentioned Eddie and how he was ashamed because he hasn't been able to send me money or whatever. And I told them I hadn't heard from him since July and I didn't appreciate how he still talked to me like we were friends because we weren't friends (I'm sensing a trend here). That's the only thing I can think of that would upset anyone. That and I didn't let Eddie come see Madison since last April. But his sister still saw her after that. I should probably stop trying to stop analyze it all and just except it. I need to accept the person that is my daughter's father and I need to accept that neither him or anyone in his family is going to accept my little girl. I told my dad when I was down there that I feel like Madison is half adopted because I know nothing about her father's family. Regardless, I need to make sure she feels all the love in the world by the ones that TRULY care for her and will always be there for her. I know from many, many of my own experiences that deciphering what person in your life you can truly trust will always be there for you unconditionally is hard. I want to make it my mission in life to never turn my back or give up on my daughter in any way. No matter how hard things get. Even if I am at the end of my rope and feel like there is no hope. I will never deny or deceive her.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Bis Abuela

A lot of people can't say that they ever met their great-grandparents and even less can say that they met their great-great grandparents. I got the chance to know two of my great grandmothers and one of my great grandfather, all three of them on my dad's side of the family. My great grandfather died when I was around 4 or 5 so I don't remember him very well. One of my great grandmothers (Abuela Yeya) passed away when I was 15. And my other great grandmother (Bis Abuela) is still alive. She is in her late 80s and very sick with dimentia (or alzheimer's). She was diagnosed a few years after my great-grandfather died. She now lives with my grandmother down in Miami. The past few times I have been down there I've been meaning to get a picture with her and Maddie so that Maddie has picures to remember her great-great grandmother but I kept forgetting. I finally did it this time though. Before I went down there my grandmother was telling me that she had been getting worse. Which is something that I noticed. Usually when I visited she seemed to know who I was. She would ask about my mom and the baby (I think she was referring to one of my brothers). She stopped asking about my mom after a while but she still seemed to know who I was. She doesn't speak any English but I know that since she had been sick she would say some off-the-wall things. This time when I went down there she couldn't walk by herself at all, she didn't seem to know who anyone was, she couldn't eat by herself at all and she didn't seem to remember what happened 5 minutes ago.

I remember a little bit of my great grandmother before she got sick, although I couldn't communicate with her too much because of the language barrier, but she would try. The last memory I have was going to see her at her new apartment that she had with my grandmother's sister.

The picture taking process was one of those funny disasters. We had to prop my great grandmother up with pillows. I tried to sit Maddie next to her but she was not having it. So me . Maddie, my grandmother and great grandmother were all in the picture. We kept having to lift my great grandmothers head up because she kept dropping it and when they told her to smile she would open her mouth real wide, bless her heart. And Madison was just being an uncooperative wiggle worm...

My dad took the pictures and they definately need to be cropped and photoshopped. But all-in-all I'm glad I got the pictures, especially for Maddie.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The Trip

As you know Maddie and I were down in South Florida visiting our family. We left on Friday and came back earlier this evening. Maddie was pretty good minus temper tantrums and one or two nights that took her FOREVER to go to sleep. Which is understandable because she is still little and doesn't understand why we are somewhere that she doesn't know for really long periods of time. I had my camera with me the whole time but I really didn't take many pictures. My aunt took some good pictures that I'll get her to e-mail to me and I'll post them when I get them. I have quite a few things I want to post about concerning the trip but right now I'll just generalize ;) .....

Friday: Maddie did pretty good during the 55 minute plane trip that I was dreading. I don't know how people fly with toddlers on flights that are more than an hour long! She fell asleep in the last ten minutes of the flight. We got there and spent some time with the family.

Saturday: Saturday night some of my family came to celebrate my 21st birthday and we went out to dinner. Madison through a huge fit at dinner. My dad had made reservations for 7 people when really we were 7 and a highchair. Me, working at a restaurant, knowing the difference of mentioning the highchair or not, had a bad feeling. Needless to say they stuck us in one of those big, long booths that fit 6 people and put the highchair at the end of the booth. We knew that 7 adults weren't going to fit all that comfortly in that booth so we asked for another table and they said it would be another 45-50 minutes. So we decided to ask for a booster seat for Maddie and put a chair where the highchair was. So I sit the baby in the booster seat and she freaks out! Screaming, crying, kicking, making a huge scene and refusing to be put in that booster seat. She was throwing such a fit I had to walk out of the restaurant because I knew she wasn't going to calm down otherwise. She had never sat at a booster seat before and I'm sure if there wasn't so many people around her and maybe if she had gone in the booster seat first and not taken out of the highchair she wouldn't have freaked out so bad. So I had to put her back in the highchair and we squeezed in the booth. But it wasn't that bad and Maddie was decent for the rest of dinner.

Sunday: Father's Day me, my dad and my stepmom went down to Miami to my grandparents house. My grandpa, my aunt and uncles and all of my little cousins (I guess they're not so little anymore) went to the Marlins vs. Yankees baseball game. Yes I am a Marlins fan. I used to go to Marlins games with my grandpa all the time when I was younger. He loves to take his grandkids to games but very rarely (well I don't think it ever happened) does he get to have all of his kids and all of his grandkids together at the game. I hadn't seen two of my cousins for about 2 years (I might get into more about that in another post) so I was glad I got to see them. Here some of them are playing with Maddie for the first time...

Anyways, the Marlins beat the Yankees 6-5 and it was an exciting game. Maddie stayed with my grandma and stepmom while I was at the game and they said she was a sweet little angel the whole time.

Monday: Me and my dad stayed overnight at my grandparents house and spent some time with them on Monday. We also spent some time with my aunt and uncle and my other cousins. Maddie liked playing with them too even though my 5 year old cousin was sick and didn't feel like playing too much despite Maddie's efforts trying to get his attention.

Today: Today the plane ride back Madison didn't behave very well. She was pretty restless and cranky. I'm sure mainly had to do with it being 4 o'clock and she hadn't slept at all since the morning. But we survived and she was happy to see her uncles at the airport when my mom and them picked us up. Here she is on the ride home...

I was going to post the pictures I took on Monday of me, Maddie, my grandmother and my great-grandmother but I'm tired and I wanted to write a little about them. Maybe I'll post them tomorrow if I have time. Sounds like a good Wednesday's Walk Down Memory Lane post about my great-grandmother! We'll see I do have a lot to do and I have to go to work later on tomorrow night. Oh yeah, I didn't lose my job! Woo-hoo!! I called my general manager Sunday morning and told her I didn't get anyone to cover my shift and asked her if I was going to get fired for it. And she said no but it was going to count as a no-call-no-show (whatever). I'm going to get written up for it and you better believe I'm going to tell her how the other manager was saying that I was going to get fired and I might as well quit if I wasn't going to show up becuase that wasn't right of him to say that to me.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

This and That

Today Maddie's speech therapist came and played with her while saying objects and words. She basically just tried to warm up to her and get to know her a little bit. She is going to come every Tuesday and Wednesday in the afternoon. I'd rather her come in the morning but oh well. After the speech therapist left I fed her lunch adn put her down for a nap. When she woke up we went to meet my friend Stephanie at the mall and I found a little black dress for my birthday and bought it. It looks really good on me but I think it might be too dressy. So I might just save it for my birthday dinner down in South Florida. After we went shopping we went to my work to eat because I also had to talk to one of my co-workers. You see I am scheduled to work on Father's Day which is apparently a mandatory work day because it is one of the busiest days in the year (even though I don't remember it being that busy last year). I told my manager that I was going to be out of town on Father's Day a MONTH ago. Since the day was blocked in the computer I couldn't request off so I had to tell him about it. He led me to believe that he was definately going to give it to me off. Well this weekend right before the general manager put the schedule up the manager that I had talked to said that I probably wasn't going to get Father's Day off now. The reason being they fired 5 people in one week and nobody had Father's Day off. I told him again that I was going to be out of town so I couldn't work. When the schedule went up I was working 10:45-4. So I said something to the general manager and she said that I have to get someone to cover for me. Since everyone is already working that means I would have to find someone willing to work straight thru. I wasn't having any luck so I asked my manager if I was going to lose my job if I didn't find anyone and he said yes. That's flippin GREAT!! There was one guy that said he might do it but when I went there tonight he said he couldn't because his car broke down and he had struggling all week to find rides to work and he didn't think he would find a ride on Sunday morning. Personally, I think he could if he really tried and that was just an excuse. So it's a pretty big possibility that I won't have a job next week. I wouldn't mind having a different job it is just finding one that accomodates my schedule so well like my job now does. And this is such a ridiculous reason to lose a job. Why don't I just cancel my trip do you ask? Plane tickets are already purchased, plans are already made and I am not cancelling everything just to work for five hours on Sunday!! I really hope I don't lose my job though.

Anyways Maddie was so hyper at Olive Garden tonight. She was squealing and being a huge goof. I'm not sure what got into her! She was acting crazy!! There was a birthday at one of the tables next to us and when everyone was singing Maddie started to squeal along with them. My co-workers thought that was the funniest thing and Maddie ate up the attention. When we got home I let her burn off some steam outside. I've been letting her run around outside almost everyday and she loves it. It's nice because she gets tired quick and doesn't really complain when I take her inside.

This will probably be the last post before I leave for South Florida because I have a lot to do within the next few days.

Monday, June 15, 2009


I had a mini anxiety attack (or whatever it was) earlier this evening. You know the kind of thing where you feel like the walls are closing in, the voice in your head sounds like it is screaming at you and the next person that looks at you has the potential to set you off on a yelling rampage. Yeah that kind of thing. It hasn't happened to me in a while. Maybe it happened because of the stress of the upcoming week or the fact that a house was a mess and my stepdad has been in one of his jerky (-nice way to put it) moods the past few days. Or maybe it was Maddie being extra clingy and cranky tonight, my 11 year old brother giving me horrendous attitude and the other two not listening to me. Or just maybe it could possibly be the fact that I might be jobless next week when I come back from visiting my family. Whatever it was it didn't last too long. I took 4 Ibuprofen, (I also had a pounding headache), put Maddie to bed, picked up the living room, swept and mopped the kitchen floor and studied for my final. Well now that I got that out of my system here are some pictures of Maddie playing outside...
It was really hot outside today

Sometimes I can't understand how a little girl so cute can be so highstrung. My daughter has a T E M P E R! She especially shows her temper towards my brothers and sister because she knows they will accomodate her, most of the time. No wonder she doesn't use her words, all she has to do is squeal and she gets her way. But she will get mad and stay mad. Like yesterday at the grocery store I let her snack on some teddy grahams while we were walking through the store. I had to take them away to pay for it and of course she screamed. But when I gave it back to her she continued to scream at the cashier. She was still mad about the situation!!! Apparently my one and a half year old holds grudges.
I have a lot more to write about but I'm tires and I have to wake up early so I am going to call it a night.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Past Few Days

On Tuesday Maddie's speech therapist came for the first time. She came at 1:30 in the afternoon which is in the middle of Maddie's nap time. I tried to keep her awake but it didn't work out very well and she fell asleep in my lap 5 minutes before the lady came. She was asleep pretty much the whole time so the lady just sat there and made small talk with me. After she left I told my mom she really didn't tell me much of what she was going to do with Madison. And my mom said well she doesn't know what she is going to be doing until she starts working with her! Hmmm...Good point. She said that she will call me and let me know what time she'll be able to come next week and hopefully she'll be able to come earlier.
Here are some pictures that my mom took of Maddie on Tuesday before the speech therapist came...
We found the Toddler Tunes channel on the Bright House Cable music channels and boy does she like to dance to those songs! It's like she knows those songs are for her...

...isn't my daughter beautiful?!...

She only took that 2o minute nap in my lap, when I went to put her down she screamed and wouldn't go back to sleep. Later on we met some of my friends for dinner and on the car ride home she was knocked out for the night. I skipped her nightly bath and put her in her PJs and laid her right in her crib and she slept all night. (Until 11:30 in the morning I might add.) My baby likes her sleep! She always has and mommy is NOT complaining!!

Today I had all 4 of the kids and lots to do. (Since I was lazy on Wednesday.) We all went to Wal-Mart and I got the prescription for her steroid cream for her excema filled. Her old pediatrician wrote it for me but the insurance that I had before didn't cover it but the one I have now does. I'll pick it up tomorrow, it is the only cream that seemed to work really well on her skin. Then we went to get my car washed and after that I took the kids to McDonalds. Then we went to Barnes and Noble. One of things her speech therapist told me was that signing would be a good thing to start doing. She said she knows some parents are skeptical about it but kids really do drop the sign and use their words easily when they need to. So I went to Barnes and Noble and bought her a signing book for meal time that she can look at. And I also bought her a baby faces book because I knew she would like looking at the faces. And I bought some word flash cards that were also touch and feel. One of the card's word is jelly and there is a stucky spot on the card so the kids can associate the word with the object. On the back of the cards are suggested questions to ask the kids to keep them thinking. I thought they were pretty cool and she can use them for a while. Right outside the children's section I spotted the teacher's aids and education books. I spent about 20 minutes looking at them, it could of been longer but the boys were getting annoyed (maybe me and Sarah will go back someday soon because she likes looking at the chi;dren's books). I was looking through the books and I liked some of them but I didn't thnk it would be a great idea to buy any know because maybe they'll be outdated by the time it gets closer to me being in a classroom. (I'm only about to start my 3rd semester.) As I was looking thru them I saw one or two that basically states the same exact things that I have been learning in my classes, from how to set up your classroom to record keeping, portfolios and classroom management. It's almost like someone could read that book and become a teacher!! After Barnes and Noble I took them to the park...
>Maddie was a little apprehensive at usual...

...As you can probably see she was tired also because it was 3 o'clock and she hadn't slept at all since we were in go mode for the day.
Then she started to warm up and explore...

Now everybody watch out Maddie is on a mission...

...look at my climbing child. She is climbing everywhere now and very proud for doinog so.

Needless to say much like Tuesday she took about a 20 minute nap and refused to try to sleep in her crib for some reason (I guess its from being over tired) and passed out later on...

But this time I had to wake her up because she was sweaty and stinky and hadn't eaten dinner yet.
Well that was our past few days. This next week I'll be getting ready for my 21st! I want to go clothes shopping and get my haircut and all that good stuff.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Summer Time

Today starts the full week of school summertime. So the kids are home all day which makes Maddie happy and content. She is walking more and more these days and she is getting faster. She loves to be outside she will walk on the sidewalk with a huge smile on her face. This morning my mom put pigtails in her hair. I think she looks older with her hair pulled back and that thought made me sad!! She is officially a toddler now and my baby is going to be losing her babyface soon. I think she is starting to look more like me also...

...She loves playing in the boys' room. It's a good thing she has never really been into putting everything in her mouth...

Here she is outside helping outside with the flowers...
...ignore my little brother Jason being himself in the background.
...she's not to sure about walking outside barefoot.

...uh-oh she got dirt on her she wants to share the dirt with mommy

...she is so silly.

It's not exactly summertime for me though. I am still in school, in fact I have a presentation tomorrow and finals next week. But then I only have a week break before the next semester starts because that is how my school's schedule is. At least the week break is the week after my birthday...My 21st birthday that is!! Woo-hoo 10 more days!!! Anyways, Maddie's speech therapist is coming over for the first time tomorrow afternoon. She said over the phone that she'll be coming over twice a week instead of only once a week. I'm excited to see how that all goes.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Sit Still!

Today was my mom's birthday. I was at work but everyone else was off and they went a few places. My mom dressed up Maddie in a cute little dress and I wanted to take her picture. She is getting so difficult to photograph at home because she wants to look at the pictures on the digital camera. So at first it turned out like this...

(I guess it didn't really help that she was a little on the cranky side tonight.)
I suppose I'll have to resort to the eating in high chair pictures...

Or when she is watching iCarly on Nickelodeon...Yes, my 1 1/2 year old likes to watch iCarly and sits there for the whole half hour and watches it (for those of you who know what that show is) and then she laughs at it like she actually gets the jokes!

Oh wait! That ends up like this also...
And then later on she got a hold of Sarah's play digital camera where you can take pictures and look at the picture through a small little screen for a few minutes. THAT camera she will sit still and smile for because she knows that I will let her hold it and look at it. Little Booger!