Sunday, May 17, 2009

Should I or Shouldn't I?

Ever since Maddie was born I have dealt with people asking about her father. Strangers and people I work with, go to school with, haven't seen in a while, etc. have asked the question. Lately my answer has been I haven't heard from him in almost a year. Which I haven't. July will be a year since I have talked to him and he has only seen Madison twice, the last time being last April. The second question people ask me (it's amazing how some people can be so nosy) is if I get child support and my answer is no. And then it's followed by WHY NOT?! Everybody that I have talked to says that I should and most of my family says that I should also. I have heard that I can't just let him off the hook like that. That it is money for Maddie that she needs. My response is always I don't need any help financially especially not from him. Or I just want the thought of him to disappear and I want no connection whatsoever. But what I understand is I don't have to deal with him through child support. The state acts as a middle person and I get the money no matter what and if he doesn't pay he gets thrown in jail. I have actually attempted to start this process a few times but I've never followed through. But tonight I went to the DCF Child Support Enforcement home page, filled out the application, printed it out and I am going to mail it tomorrow. I was able to fill out everything about him except for where he works. God knows if he even has a job right now. I have his address and SSN because I threatened him with doing this last year. And he was very nonchalant about it and that bothered me. And then I remember that Eddie is nonchalant about anything and everything and just doesn't care about a whole lot. My mom is scared that one day he is just going to pop in and say he wants to be a part of Madison's life or if something ever happened to me that he would come and take her away. Which are two scary thoughts and part of the reason why I haven't gone through the child support process. My thinking is maybe if he has to start paying child support then he'll think he's entitled to seeing her. If not now, later on. I don't know. I guess we'll see what happens with this. I don't know why I stress and am so nervous about it! Even though I would love to see the faces on him and his family when they get a letter or a phone call about this out of the blue. Ooops.. I guess thats the evil side coming out of me again.

5 comments:

Patrice said...

Wow. Crazy how nosy people can be! I don't blame you for making any of the decisions you've made! Sounds like you have your daughters best interest at heart, which is all that should matter! :)

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

nothing evil about that at all. my friend is in a very similar situation w/ the father of her 2 girls and she worries about it all the time. sorry you have to go through that!

Bethany said...

It's definitely a tough situation. I don't have any advice for you (wish I did!!!) but I wanted to thank you for stopping by my blog! :) I hope you enjoy it-- I'll be following your journey with adorable Maddie! :)

Camdon's Momma said...

I came across your blog from someone else's (honestly can't remember whose right now) and have been sitting her reading some of your posts...this one struck me as a must respond one though. I am a 30 year old single mom of a 3 year old boy and am in the same situation. I don't get child support and don't want it. I am asked all the time where his father is, who my husband is, why I don't go after him, etc. Honestly people if it were any of your business you would be in this situation not me....but you aren't so it isn't your concern (that's what I want to say). I dont' go after child support for the same reason...I have been doing this alone for 3 years. He has not communication with his son for a year and with me for 6 months. I don't want to take his $$ because I feel it will entitle him to visit my son when he wants and I have to let him. Right now I don't....Right now I have the say in what goes on. I support you (even though it doesnt mean much since we dont know eacher other) with the decisions you are making in your daughters life.

Camdon's Momma said...

Monica,

I got your comment and was going to email you so we could talk a little more but can't find an email address for you. If you want to talk more about our similar situation feel free to email me...
amanda.brien@gmail.com
I am in the same boat and let me tell you that Madison will have all the love she needs by you being a great mom. The worry on that slowly goes away (3 years later and I still have some of it). I have been making a lot of decisions on some of the things you were mentioning and am around if you need a sounding board from someone who is going thru what you are going thru.

Amanda